Welcome to the Connecticut Z Car Club Forums




Username:  
Password:  
Log me on automatically each visit
Register 
It is currently Fri Mar 29, 2024 9:31 am
Welcome to the Connecticut Z Car Club Discussion Forums   
If you have trouble logging in or encounter any issues, please send an email to webmaster@ctzcc.com.

All times are UTC - 5 hours





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 
  Print view Previous topic | Next topic 
Author Message
 Post subject: TOOLS, EXPLAINED
PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2020 2:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:53 pm
Posts: 14779
Location: CT
For those of you gearheads who are starting to work on your own cars, here is a descriptive list of some common power and hand tools which you need to know about. Those of you who have done this for awhile will quickly recognize these descriptions, which are sure to bring many vivid events and bar stories back to your memory:

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Ooops!'

DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while they are being worn.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

SOB TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'SOB!!!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the tool that you will need next.

Your comments and experiences are welcome. 8)

_________________
1970 240Z


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: TOOLS, EXPLAINED
PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2020 5:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:16 pm
Posts: 1181
Location: Ansonia, CT
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

_________________
John Kish
1971 240Z - original owner


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  









Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
mile200 v1.0.1 designed by Team -Programming forum- .