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 Post subject: Childhood and parenthood
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:39 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:53 pm
Posts: 14778
Location: CT
I'd like to share a few rambling thoughts about childhood and parenthood. We've all been the former and most of us are now the latter, so anyone reading this can relate to this scenario in some way.

When we were toddlers, the world was our apple. We spent our first 4-5 years in mindless bliss, safe in our parents arms, learning all the wonders of our small worlds. Our parents provided for our every need; we didn't have to actually work for anything. We were fed, appropriately dressed for the weather, slept and got up whenever we wanted, given toys and developed motor skills and our imagination. When we wanted something we simply took it or cried until it was given to us. We were unintentionally greedy little animals and never knew it. We were happy and spent a lot of time learning how to interact with our closest contacts (parents and siblings). There was a lot to learn; walking, talking, feeding ourselves...all the wonderful progressive child development which parents thrive on watching happen.

At school age we accepted our first responsibility, which involved mingling with many other like-minded kids and learning to interact with them. We shouldered the heaviest (first) assignments we'd ever had in life. We didn't usually like being away from mom and dad "all day" (a few hours) and felt very much more secure when we got back home.

Over the next 13 yrs we learned to make individual decisions and to develop and create individual identities for ourselves. As adolescents we began seeking life goals and by our teenaged years many of us knew what we wanted to do with our lives. We shared those dreams with the people who were closest to our lives; our family and friends in that social club we called school. As much as we hated schoolwork and homework, we were grateful that our lives forced us to socialize with all the kids at school. Shy teens as we were, we might never have had the nerve to meet our "love" unless school forced us to sit or work together. It was a learning experience about life.

As teens we began to develop personal social ideas which often disagreed with what our parents had stood for and taught us. Kids of democrat parents suddenly found themselves favoring republican ideas, and vice-versa. Religious rules we grew up following might have suddenly appeared "wrong" and new religions seemed more sensible to us. Suddenly finding ourselves self-aware and able to meet boys or girls without embarrassment or help, we maybe viewed our social catalyst (school) as just another bothersome chore which kept us from doing the things we really wanted to be doing.

At some point we found ourselves uncomfortable in our parents' home, and disagreeing with much of what their lives had represented. We could see tons of problems in our parent's world which we adamantly felt their generation should have prevented or corrected before we even got here. In short, we became critical of our folks and most of what they stood for, and we were convinced that when we ruled the world, we would make everything better.

One day some "break" happened btwn ourselves and our family, and we knew it was time to go. Escape took the form of college or military service, traveling the world, joining a commune or becoming Roadies for the Grateful Dead. You each have your own story. As much as we loved our parents and thrived on the care they had given us, we really needed to be out on our own, making our own way in life and unconsciously preparing ourselves to teach the next generation what is important in life. We love and will miss our parents dreadfully, but it's really time for us to stand on our own feet.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As parents, we had wonderful experiences with our kids. Learning we were about to have kids was a revelation to our world; everything changed; everything looked different. Life suddenly had a major purpose and every decision or task became the most-important act of the day. We became tireless, supercharged, highly motivated worker bees, intent on raising the world's healthiest, happiest, smartest kid who would someday become world-famous or somehow irreplaceable to the cosmos. Someday they would publicly name us as their champions and inspirations, speaking from their podium of success on the world stage, waving some coveted award above their head. Don't deny you've had such fantasies as you watched your toddler sleeping.

We thrilled at our children's successes and achievements as they grew. We catered to their every need; medical, emotional, instructional, provisional. We over-extended ourselves without complaint and made countless personal sacrifices just to ensure our kids had a safe, happy, healthy childhood. We worked too many hours at too many jobs just to provide for them, and sacrificed our scarce personal time in order to bond with them. No amount of exhaustion prevented us from coming to our kid's side when were were needed. As they grew we suddenly got the horrible realization that we only had about 18 years at home to teach our kids everything important we had learned in our lifetimes, before they left the nest and charged out into the world alone. Whatever we had taught them would be all they were armed with when they had to start feeding themselves. You parents each have your own memories of those feelings.

At some point you looked in the mirror and thought you looked too old for your age. You were a little more tired than you ever remembered being and noticed some grey hairs where there hadn't been any last week. You tried to recall the last time you had selfishly done something "just for you", and it takes a long time to remember one. Your teenager has begun questioning your authority and your judgment. S/he comes home with some alarming social ideas and won't listen to "your generation's" explanation about why things are they way they are. Their new attitude appears to be one of general disdain and criticism for the way your generation has run things, and you struggle to find the words to teach them some more wise truth about life. But they seem too old to listen to you anymore and one day, some "break" happens btwn you and your kids and you realize their childhood is over. It's time to stop feeding them, housing them, providing for them, coddling them. It's time for them to step out into the world and provide for themselves.

You have given everything you had to give to raise them from innocent toddlers to self-aware adults. You have exhausted every effort for 18 years and it's unnatural to try to keep them at home any longer. As much as you love them and will miss them, it's time to let them go.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The CTZCC was created in the mind of our "dad" Ross Williams more than 10 years ago. Over coffee with a few friends he spawned the idea of gathering scores of interested Z owners together for a Free Club experience. For the first few years Ross carefully orchestrated our formative "toddler" years, providing for our provisional and educational needs. More than once he sacrificed his personal time and money to help us grow. He created a social club where we spent many years learning about each other's cars, and about each other. He forged lifelong friendships among members. He and his loyal friend Jim Hagani "raised" us thru our toddler years and helped us grow in number, confidence, and knowledge.

During our adolescent years we began interacting with other clubs to compare ourselves with their development and success, and gained even more self-confidence about how well we were doing. We became very proud of ourselves and happy to include other Z clubs in our social circles. Like all healthy adolescents, over the past 8 years we have exploded in growth to include members from around the world and more than a doZen states. Ross was constantly there to guide us and offer support, education and social standards. The CTZCC became the envy of other clubs, some of whom actually tried to hire individual CTZCC leaders to enhance their own clubs.

Now in our "teenaged" years, our Club has matured into more than 800 friends who drive Zs. "Most of us know most of us" is a true statement. We've developed an enviable record in our state; we've never had a fight, we've never had the cops called for any reason (altho several of them stopped by to view the cars), we've never been kicked out of anyplace, or asked not to return. In fact, to this day venues vie for our presence at their businesses. They beg us to hold our meetings and car shows and events there. We were raised as respectful kids, using no alcohol at our events, never using bad language, never embarrassing any ladies, and always leaving each site cleaner than we found it when we left. Ross proudly raised us well.

We have come of age. Ross and Jimmy and Keith and the other officers have poured years of ambition and thoughtful guidance into our training, upbringing and education. After 10 years together the CTZCC has become a healthy, mature, responsible teenager. It would be unhealthy for us to "live at home" any longer. Our "parents" have given us just about all they had to give. They have poured their last efforts into making us what we are today, and they have little left to give. I personally saw a grey hair on Ross' temple last year. :shock:

It's time for us to "leave home" and strike out on our own. As much as we'll miss them, we have to let our "parents" rest, retire, and participate in our gatherings at their leisure. We must step out into the world together, armed with everything they have taught us over the past decade, and become self-reliant. We must keep the CTZCC running together, using the leadership principles our "parents" taught us during our "childhood". We can't be laZy or complacent anymore; we have to go out and make our own way together.

I'm confident some day soon we will publicly name them as our champions and inspirations, speaking from the podium on our stage of success, waving the coveted Ross Williams Trophy above our heads.

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1970 240Z


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 5:52 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:39 pm
Posts: 697
Location: Long Island, N.Y.
Bravo Maestro. Well written, from the heart and, I'm sure, representative of other members thoughts as well. :thumbs_up:

Frank -Sign me up for a copy of your first publication. lol. :lol: I totally enjoy your writing skills. :mrgreen:


Howard J

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1985 300ZX- GLL Dark Pewter Metallic - Survivor


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:27 pm
Posts: 548
Location: South Meriden, CT
Frank,
I believe I owe you an apology! I missed your very eloquent post and had not read it, in it's entirety, until this morning. The "Off Topic" section is not where my concentration lies within the CTZCC site. You are certainly a gentleman and a scholar.
I had an English instructor at Sacred Heart University in the 1970's named Charles Cyr who's class topic was Short Stories. We knew on the first day his class would be interesting and fun when his opening line was "Call me Ishmael". We learned from his motto that "details are the name of the game", and short stories are chuck full of symbolism.
Frank, You have "hit the nail on the head"!
Alan

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2007 350Z Grand Touring Roadster "OURZ"


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 9:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:16 pm
Posts: 1180
Location: Ansonia, CT
Thanks Allan for passing this along. I too had missed Frank's eloquent piece. :oops: So true in our lives. Frank you have gift.

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John Kish
1971 240Z - original owner


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